The process of developing a blog is not as easy as you think. Every time I sit down to write or think about what I want my future life and career to be. I get stuck, anxious, and overwhelmed by these questions, “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?” It comes down to values. What makes me more passionate than anything else? I know I am not the only person that struggles with this. As I share pieces of my story of self-discovery, I want you to think about this question, “Are you being authentic to who you are? If not, what can you do about it?”
The First Glimpse
My path to self-discovery starts in 2009, my senior year of high school. My high school had the homecoming tradition of having a senior talent show. My friend really wanted to play piano for a song. It just so happened the song he knew how to play was “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton. I am about as deep of a bass singer around. Safe to say, it wasn’t necessarily the best fit of song for me. Yet, I had a desire to sing in front of people and this was as good of a chance as I would get. I’ll admit, I was a bit terrified. Singing a girly song in front of 400 or so people was not how I expected to make a debut.
On the day of the talent show, my friend and I dressed up like the Agents from The Matrix movie. I sat on top of the upright piano and sang with my eyes tightly shut behind my tinted sunglasses. When we finished, something happened that I will never forget. I opened my eyes and every person in the crowd got on their feet and gave us a standing ovation. I am not sure I know why it happened, but I found something that day.
The College Years
Flash forward to sophomore year of college. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but there is one thing I know, I want to relive that moment from high school again. I began voice lessons because I wanted nothing more than to sing in front of people. In the following year, I had multiple bad and painful experiences that often left me wondering why I was even trying to do this extra thing on top of everything else in my life. For some reason, I kept at it.
My junior year, I finally had a breakthrough. I tried out for the college’s homecoming talent show and made it singing “Long Black Train” by Josh Turner with a good friend playing guitar. The performance went well, too well, in fact. Enough people enjoyed the performance that I became so overwhelmed by the sudden attention and high praise that I seriously thought about never singing again. My breakthrough moment was a huge letdown, because ultimately, I didn’t enjoy it.
Finding the Authentic Me
In spite of my fears, I continued pursuing musical goals throughout my college years. It culminated with a performance at a benefit concert in which I felt more like myself than ever before. It felt like exactly where I needed to be. I knew I found something.
That performance was 5 years ago. It is the last time I performed publicly, somewhat out of necessity, but mostly because I chose to distract myself from my goals. It was easier that way.
In September of 2018, I joined TicTalkers Toastmasters group in Plymouth, Minnesota. When I met with my amazing mentor the first time, I told her simply, “I want to speak professionally.” I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be on a stage. The experience speaking at TicTalkers has proved to me that the one place I feel more a live than any other place is in front of an audience.
The Challenge
I have no idea where all of this blogging, singing, and speaking will take me, but I know, without a doubt, that I need to be authentic to me. I want the same for YOU. Earlier I asked you, “Are you being authentic to who you are?” Today, I challenge you to think about that question deeply and begin discovering your “Authentic Me.”