An Introvert’s Survival Guide to Networking

I have a strong desire to do some work in professional public speaking. Whether this is promoting my book when its finished, as a musician, or in some other way, Last October, I attended a workshop titled “From Toastmaster to Professional Speaker” put on by a local Toastmasters club. A friend of mine was speaking (check out his website to hear him speak) and I have a strong interest in the topic so it was a no-brainer to attend.

It was a great event and I learned a lot by attending, but I can’t say it was as uplifting as I’d hoped. It was quite overwhelming, in fact. This was highlighted by something the last speaker and organizer of the event said. She said plainly, “[In public speaking,] your network is your net worth.” I specifically remember her repeating it for emphasis.

If you know me, you know that I am an extreme introvert. I’m totally comfortable when I’m around people I know, but get me in a large group of strangers and I shut down. I’m usually looking for a friendly face of someone I know, the restroom, or the exit. I don’t really enjoy the networking experience and feel fairly inadequate at it. Hearing a professional speaker say, “Your network is your net worth,” made me feel like running for the exits. If this is true, which I believe it is, I’m going to have to stretch myself WAY outside my comfort zone to find success. I felt a bit worthless in the context of a large networking event where I had a whopping 2 conversations the whole time. Both were with people I’d already known. How can I be a speaker if my “network is my net worth” in the profession?

A Little Break to Reflect

If you haven’t read Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, stop reading this blog right now and request it at your local library. Introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in-between, the book will make you rethink the world around you.

I bring up this book for obvious reasons. In order to understand how to network as an introvert, you have to first understand yourself and what your strengths are. This will allow you to be a better networker. Learn to cater to your strengths. Those strengths will actually make you an excellent networker.

At the same time, if you actually realize that hardcore networking isn’t really something you want to do as an introvert, that is 100% okay. If you prefer to be alone in your own head most of the time, seek out what careers help you be there as often as possible. Introverts are often great creators, researchers, writers, artists, and any career that requires a substantial amount of alone time. If being in outside sales is burning you out, figure a way to get into a position that better fits your temperament. There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t enjoy networking or chatting “at the water cooler” at the office.

This is also a great time to reflect on the important relationship introverts and extroverts can have. An extrovert can do great people work and be supported by the quiet strength and thoughtfulness of an introvert. This is modeled in the Bible quite well by the brothers Moses and Aaron. God called Moses, a slow of speech, stutterer, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses, likely an introvert, felt overwhelmed by such a bold task and asked for help from well-spoken, likely extrovert, brother Aaron. The combination of the two temperaments made for fantastic leadership for God’s people. Teaming up with an extrovert friend or co-worker could make all the difference in your networking or business plan.

Don’t Just Survive, Thrive

I will always be a bit terrified of networking-type events. It’s not that I don’t want to socialize. I generally really enjoy it, but around strangers, I feel very overwhelmed and awkward. I often feel like I’m going to completely embarrass myself by not knowing what to say. More than once, this has led me to avoid conversation when in new settings.

One of the key things is to be intentional when networking. First off, I do need to force myself to do it even if I don’t really like it. Before COVID-19, nearly every week, I would attend my Toastmasters club which allowed me to meet people in a comfortable setting. Taking the action of attending and committing to it is half the battle. Once there, my new goal is to have at least one meaningful conversation. After that, if I’m not feeling up to it or am feeling a bit overwhelmed, I don’t have to feel guilty heading for the exit.

I’ll admit readily that this is not typically how my Toastmasters meetings went. More often than not, I would sneak out as soon as the meeting was over. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to people. I just didn’t want to have to initiate that conversation and often times I was already overstimulated from giving a speech. This made me feel very guilty every time I left. One meaningful conversation a week could very well be the best networking opportunity for me. Shooting for more would be too lofty of a goal. When I think about only needing one, it makes it much less intimidating.

My personal networking survival guide is simple. One networking event a week and one meaningful conversation. This is how I can thrive rather than just survive. I will be well-served to take this mentality into any future networking opportunities. One great conversation could lead to ample opportunities whereas 10 passing conversations may lead to nothing. Quantity doesn’t mean quality. Being open to this possibility as an introvert may lessen the fear and create openness to new opportunities.

Is Your “Network Your Net Worth?”

Often times in life, it is all about being connected with the right people at the right time. Most of my jobs I’ve had in my life worked out because I happened to get connected to an employer through someone I knew. Obviously the point of this quote is not to shame you if you have a small network, but to encourage you to put in the effort where it really counts-building your network.

There is no doubt that I will always be a bit intimidated by networking. I would prefer to be at home away from large groups of people 100% of the time, but it’s hard to meet people that way. When your goal is to be in front of a large group of people regularly, you NEED to be open to meeting people and seeking out those opportunities.

When networking as an introvert, make a plan that fits your strengths and your style. Take that plan and put it into action. You may be quiet and timid, but I can guarantee you can bring something to the world that no one else can. Part of bringing those great ideas to the world requires networking. You don’t have to love it, but you CAN do it. You will survive and thrive and you will build your “net worth,” one conversation at a time.